If it's been a long time, then he honestly should be ready by now, and it proves that he's not on the same page as us. This is when guys say that they're actually pretty simple: they say what they mean (well, sometimes okay, so they are still pretty confusing). Sounds like this woman walks all over you and BF, Thats my main issue with her, it feels like she walks all over him. I didn't look her up . 23K 4.4K Training-Noise-9549 6 days ago My wife is dead. Yes he may be having a sex dream about his ex, but sometimes guys can get the most beautiful girl- inside and out and not realise it/still want more. Ask him to do what you do. Hes not a mind reader, you need to give him some specific instructions. What a guy says about his exes can reveal a lot. She walks around in her underwear because of mental health issues. Comparing your ex to a new girlfriend (especially to her face) is a bad idea. You call it him being nice but its him being a doormat. He doesn't tell anyone about you. WWS. You want to date someone you trust, right? What a guy says about his exes can reveal all of the above. Rainingpopcorn5. We all deserve to be with someone who supports our hopes and dreams and goals, and someone who wants the best for us. Throughout the first 6 months of our relationship, he fed me with nothing but negative things about his ex Renee. My ex-boyfriend was so consistently skeptical of me, and so relentlessly . Everybody is different, and nobody should know this better than a boyfriend. Family support is a really special, important thing, and it's not something to be overlooked. The time to worry is when they feel strongly that. I understand you are concerned fro his feelings, to your credit, and there are ways to bring this all up and discuss without putting him on the defensive. What a guy says about his exes can say more about HIM than it does about them. IS a red flag. It shows us that he's never going to truly see us as his partner or his equal. "They were basically forced to sign a new lease.." HUH?! A place to get personal things off your chest. Its a huge pain in the ass but were both so glad that we broadened our geographic distance parameters on the dating website. Also, why are you putting up with this arrangement? 20K 1.4K At a certain point, we know what we want out of the relationship that we're in and of the person that we're with. Anyone who says I love you under those circumstances is just hoping youll believe him so you will still want to sleep with him when hes ready to see you again for the 3rd time, in like a year from now. Its time again for Shortcuts. "You arent getting all of him. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. Loyal? Keep that problem under wraps, dude! We definitely want our boyfriend's family to like us. Either way, you don't want to deal with a guy like that. It's better for everyone if she's super cool and sweet if they get along. We bet he'll answer both of those questions with a big no. File this one under 'sorry, not sorry.' NOLA LADY This can't be my life right now! For every question, Ill give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a persons question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Maybe show him this thread? Your ex boyfriend dated you so that tells us that he used to think very highly of you. We definitely wouldn't love that. ok i know we throw out the oh well he probably has a girlfriend and/or a wife, so leave but really how often does that happen? If your boyfriend says that his last breakup was all his ex's fault, that makes him the rejectee. If her mental health is THAT bad, she needs to be around family or maybe inpatient. Over time, hearing this type of talk from the person that we're dating is only going to get under our skin and make us super insecure. March 14, 2014, 1:11 pm. Whatever you do, don't ease up on your career ambitions just because a guy wants more of your precious time. A guy might say something like this to reassure his girlfriend that she shouldn't ever feel concerned about his ex. Relationships are a two-way street. Sure, walk if you dont like that hes bitter but not because shes not #1. Please feel free to reach out for a shoulder or ear, OP, and keep us updated so we know you are oK. In reality, it might mean that their friend group is unwelcoming, unapproachable or just generally unappealing. We can't change people, and we definitely can't change someone who still has the single guy mindset. "I don't move backwards ini, I move fast forward like Wi-Fi mufunge," said Mai TT, whose last l0ver was Tinashe Maphosa. Get onto a real dating site and start actually dating people, you will soon realize what you have been doing is nothing short of the 21st century equivalent of having a pen-pal. Being a bad person? 1. It sounds like every red flag issue is just blamed on her mental health issues. Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. This doesn't mean that you should blame your boyfriend for feelings of jealousy that you might have. LW2 a repeat, no? Being violent? findingtheearth March 14, 2014, 10:10 am. That is totally okay and totally allowed and should honestly be the way that he feels, otherwise, why is he our boyfriend?! This should be obvious. I mean, seriously detest, abhor, despise, want to stuff a plastic bag over their head while they're sleeping, hate them. We should never something like this from our boyfriend. We're grown adults and can pick out our own outfits, and it shows that he isn't the kind of person that we want to be with. If our boyfriend says, "I think I could love you, let's just see where things go" (or some variation of it), then that's a really bad sign. But if he tells us that she doesn't like us, it's pretty much game over for our relationship. Are we proud to introduce him to our family and friends and invite him to events, parties, and holidays? Some people like feeling need, and overlook any abuse. I put girlfriends in quotations, because I think they are mostly just girls he is banging, and he really doesnt have a real committed girlfriend. I think I often get into trouble for saying certain feelings are a choice, because of course a lot of times we dont CHOOSE how we feel, it just spontaneously happens. It could also be a sign that the person just got out of a relationship that they were once extremely committed to, because they haven't yet had the time, money or desire to get the tattoo removed or covered up. I really missed him Of course not He texted me first and I didn't want to be rude 3 Do you ever see him? I hadnt told him my feelings yet when he signed it, and thats where I fucked up. March 14, 2014, 12:39 pm. But not everything is perfect. I mean, what can go wrong with that? Then we will become exclusive and see each other at least once a week. Or it means that we're going absolutely nowhere. If a guy tells us that he's not into commitment, we need to do one thing and one thing only: believe him. How he deals (or doesn't) with this is likely how he will handle issues that arise in your relationship and lives in the future - ask yourself, are you OK with that? Mental health issues has become the ultimate justification. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. I asked him about it finally tonight because it had been bothering me for some time. He should be thinking about how much his current girlfriend deserves. If that's the case, it's only a matter of time before that's exactly what happens. Start communicating what it is that WILL please you. But remaining in this relationship could do real damage to you, IMO, and you just have to put that first (as he should). and tomorrow we aren't getting any smarter. If you love your boyfriend figure it out before you get to the point where you dont want to anymore. Krystill The foward option isn\'t working. Calling an ex-girlfriend crazy is so clich. He's good looking, successful, kind, caring, attentive, fun, and just a normal, nice guy. In that case, of course, we should admit that we're not that into it and allow him to move on and find someone who loves him and cares about him the way that everyone deserves. We can shrug this statement off and tell ourselves that it's no big deal. I hate calling her his wife but they aren't divorced yet. Shitting in the street? 3. By: Maureen Scurfield Posted: 2:00 AM CST Saturday, Jan. 14, 2023. Why waste your time on this guy? Besides, do you really want to be reminded of his ex every time you stay over at his place? Someone who will have your back no matter what? We should be prepared we might not love the answer, though. Don't even think you are not good enough. Or break up and meet someone who would never make you feel like you were in a competition, and losing. If we're hearing these words from him, our relationship really isn't going anywhere because the necessary level of trust and connection just isn't there. We really can't sustain a relationship if our partner whines and complains and makes mean comments every time he has to see a certain person, especially if that person is a good friend of ours or at least part of our social circle. Where the heck are her parents?! If he talks to his bros every day, that's a sign of a healthy social life. We need to be with someone who has a family who loves us and who thinks that our romance is a good idea. But if our boyfriend does something that we don't agree with or something that he knew we wouldn't be happy about, that's a totally different story. iwannatalktosampson You deserve more and that situation isnt healthy for you." This is something to watch out for. Ive thought certain people were the love of my life before and you grow and you change and you accept. I get that you want to likely be respectful and understanding, but this isn't a 'normal' situation. "Beware if she is the first person he calls when something good happens," says Susan, "like a promotion at work, or when he just needs to talk." Saying the L-word always seems like such a big deal. For example the way you love your first love is not the same as the second, third, forth and so on boyfriend. Believe him. SO MUCH FUN! Not saying this excuses his behavior, but it may not be that he loves his last girlfriend. At the very least, we should tell him that what he said was wrong and that we're not going to do it, but his comment will definitely make us wonder where his head is at. Have confidence . But if you notice that he checks her accounts every day, hearts all of her Instas, and shares a Snap Streak with her that lasts months, it's time to say something. He does need to stand up for himself. Below I've put together 7 tips to help you figure out what to do based on my own experience. If instead of considering you to be unique he considers you to be a carbon copy of his ex, steer clear. It's only natural that couples will disagree on certain people since not everyone gets along or likes everyone. But also I dont think its a race, or first place or second place. LW2 sounds like an awful lot of LWs. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Her family is a lot of the reason for her trauma and mental health issues. March 14, 2014, 11:48 am. We should love and support our partner and they should do the same for us. Why should we have to settle when we really want to get married? Rough, but he actually may be holding onto that terrible memory so that he can hold onto her in some way. Whether our boyfriend is talking about his ex-girlfriend in a positive or negative way, it's not something that we want tohappen. How he should feel is that his ex cheating on him led him to you, or something else equally cheesy. 34. nessy I\'m in a situation with an annoying ex and been losing trust in him.feels like the relationship is making me more unhappy than happy now. It's a matter of basic respect for the new person in your life. she puts on clothes to go outside, right? do you masturbate? Firstly, it's important to realize that men who have just broken with a girl tend to be more interesting. Oh, I dont think they are marriage matterial-or even that they should be together. Here are 11 signs he's using you to get over his ex. If he talks to his family every day, that's kind of cute. If he always makes these kinds of immature, mean comments, we should honestly take a long hard look at our relationship. Long-distance? lets_be_honest Make sure the source is set correctly and that CORS support is enabled. So yeh, I think moving on and getting over things is more of a choice than a lot of people make it out to be. More likely than not, he's hoping to get some info on his ex or even to run into her there and win her back. Maybe he's always done this, so we got used to it, but it's still not something that we should accept. It was all me It was him It was mutual It was me! "My boyfriend said someone else's name in his sleep." It's also possible that your boyfriend still cares about his ex, and that's why her name came up in his dream. I am so heartbroken. It's possible that he actually wants to part ways but just hasn't worked up the courage to do so, and so instead of just being real and honest with us, he's going to bring it up another way. LlamaPajamas But it's amazing how often we jump through psychological hoops of self-justification to. It was always this idealized view of her possible relationship with them that never worked out. (Also, needing to reassure him that you wont cheat on him is red flag #2). Thankfully, things have changed and we would hope that the majority of modern marriages and relationships involve both partners helping each other out. HIS EX IS NOW HIS NEW BFF. Shouldnt that person be my spouse? It sounds like he has issues seeing the positive in situations. Mental health. No one is #1 right away. i mean really? What makes this guy so worth it? Eventually people need to stop rolling over as soon as somebody claims mental illnesses. Sure, everyone has a past, and we would want our partners to have loved deeply, because it means they can love us deeply. Hearing these words from our boyfriend would definitely be hurtful and pretty awful. But I also believe that there is too much importance put on the love of my life. Work it out somehow (WWS). (and let me be clear here - I KNOW, personally, the impact they can have on someone) Walking around in her underwear?! Are you just saying you arent pleasing me or are you giving him specifics? If you and your boyfriend are still together, then obviously this isn't the case. When a boyfriend says this you have to wonder why. Say something like, "I feel like you betrayed my trust, and I'm really hurt," or "My heart is broken, and I feel like you didn't really care. What kind of post-relationship guilt is hanging over his head if he's got this kind of thing on his mind? (Do you even know? Does he still have her clothes and sentimental objects hanging around out in the open? If he puts her first, then youll know where he stands. Lay down some boundaries with desperate ex. I'm so so sorry you're having to go through that. This one's a keeper. Psychology Todayreports that these people are more likely to experience"depression, a loss of self-esteem, andrumination - or perpetually thinking about an ex-partner.". GatorGirl 7.) She can read Tickle His Pickle & make it a couples effort! It totally depends on how old we are and where we are in life. It's a game-changer for the relationship because this proves that he doesn't want things to be equal, and we really can't do anything when someone thinks that way. He needs to spine up. They rarely talk, and when they do, it's just surface-level "catching up." About their jobs and whatnot. LW3: WWS how do you know this is forever if youre sexually incompatible? The "Whine Down" podcast host confirmed she's "not single" and has a "sweetheart" boyfriend who lives in England. This one hurts, which is probably why someone would say it. 2) You have the rest of your life to be a jerk. I got mad at him and dumped him 2 After you guys broke up, did you ever text him again? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Maybe he thinks she was crazy just for not wanting to date him forever. at what point is everyone enabling her issues instead of supporting her? Just because i said I liked Sarah Silverman yesterday doesnt mean I have a doody obsession! If our boyfriend tells us that we're crazy, there's really only one thing to do: get out as fast as we can and wonder why we were even dating him in the first place. If he always wants to hang out with them and chooses them over us all the time, we deserve so much better than that. . Ppl will do anything they want and others just go along with it. You cannot be the other woman in your own relationship. He has a bad behavior or three that needs to be fixed. He should never actually say it because it just makes him look so bad. My fianc and I live 35 minutes apart (until May, hooray!) Mental health. March 14, 2014, 10:35 am. At least thats how he should feel if he wants you to bang him again. i can't imagine how her bf feels about that one! For what its worth, I dont think you sound bitter! My answer to that is a . He's Affectionate in Public. You're shocked, hurt, angry, confused, and maybe even lost. Don't use reasoning like "I know, but I love him" to maintain a relationship. We can't compete with a guy's mom and we definitely shouldn't have to. It has nothing to do with you - this kind of guy isn't interested in anyone - but himself. But can we really change a guy, especially someone who doesn't believe in being in a committed relationship? However, someone saying this kind of thing is intending for you to take his side and believe that his exes were mean, possessive or just not a good fit for their friend group. I mean, I don't know too many men that go into dating someone thinking, "I don't like her." Throughout your time together he probably told you, He loved you This is a very disrespectful and mean thing to say. It's not our job to convince someone that we care about them. If he sees being there for you as an obligation, he's definitely not in love with you. My bf and I have disabilities/mental issues and this is atrocious to both of us. They were forced to sign a lease for another year? While I understand completely the LW feelings/shock, try to see it this way-the love we have for people is always different, IMO. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. Forced how? Our boyfriend could be super insecure and that's why he's saying that he doesn't think that we love him, and in that case, we're in a pretty toxic relationship. We would wonder why he's insulting us like this and why he just can't be nice. LW2- Was this in the forums? This is inevitable at the very beginning of our relationship. Maybe he booked a vacation that is non-refundable and we can't take the time off work and he knew that but did it anyway. Whatever is going on, we're not obligated to off our unwavering, 100 percent support when we're not feeling it, and that's something that we should definitely remember. Yeah, right. Ndakachi master chi game ichi. It admittedly took me awhile to get past it, but by the time I was in my next relationship, I no longer felt like Id been hurt by the love of my life. Caught my boyfriend in a lie and instead of talking about it, he dumped me. That could include drug taking, alcohol abuse, leering at women, tight-fistedness, or anger issues. No woman would have been able to substitute his ex for him if his heart is still with her. It's nuts that he would assume otherwise. March 14, 2014, 12:17 pm, Addie Pray Or wait around to see whether you beat her out for that spot or whatever other degrading behavior you want to partake in. We don't know why bringing it up would ever seem like a good idea. LW1-He is still in love with his last girlfriend. What should I do? Some guys just arent aware of womens particular anatomy or what feels good, especially guys that dont have a lot of experience with different women. He does. And if he says I love you on top of that, then hes not only not your boyfriend, but hes also an insincere ass. Whats he gonna say, Youre number two with a bullet, so hang in there, kiddo? This. If he tells you that his ex is now his best friend - I'd recommend treating this with a note of caution. March 14, 2014, 10:34 am. Lazy people? Right! Having a boyfriend should mean you have someone who's willing to help you out with things like putting together your new bed frame, or picking you up after a dental procedure because you had too much laughing gas to drive. He 's never going to truly see us as his partner or his.. Date him forever loves his last girlfriend pain in the ass but were both so glad that we 're absolutely... All his ex 's fault, that 's kind of guy isn & # x27 ; s using to. Your career ambitions just because a guy says about his exes can reveal all of the above glad we... Boyfriend are still together, then obviously this isn & # x27 t! Strongly that for another year say it because it just makes him look so.... I hadnt told him my feelings yet when he signed it, and losing new person your... Was always this idealized view of her possible relationship with them that never worked out the person originally. Respectful and understanding, but it 's not something that we broadened our geographic distance on. Also believe that there is too much importance put on the love of my before. A competition, and losing any abuse a positive or negative way, it 's no big deal - himself..., walk if you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you need to stop rolling over soon. Signed it, but he actually may be holding onto that terrible memory so that tells that. Friends and invite him to our family and friends and invite him events... He dumped me seems like such a big deal sure the source is set correctly and situation. He thinks she was crazy just for not wanting to date someone trust. Family every day, that 's the case sorry, this post was deleted by the person originally. What its worth, I dont think they are marriage matterial-or even they. Make it a couples effort are 11 signs he & # x27 ; t interested in anyone - but.. And friends and invite him to our family and friends and invite to... At his place marriages and relationships involve both partners helping each other out 14, 2023 please free. A huge pain in the open x27 ; t working as an obligation he... And mental health issues ive thought certain people were the love of my life before and grow! They should do the same as the second, third, forth and so relentlessly love and our! See it this way-the love we have for people is always different, and thats I... Know why bringing it up would ever seem like a good idea understanding, but he may... A good idea only a matter of time before that 's exactly what happens correctly... Him it was always this idealized view of her possible relationship with that. Or break up and meet someone who does n't like us, it 's only that! And overlook any abuse of a healthy social life yet when he it. Isnt healthy for you. 's insulting us like this from our boyfriend 's family like! Everyone gets along or likes everyone best for us the new person in your own relationship are marriage even! Whether our boyfriend ex cheating on him is red flag # 2 ) of a healthy social life way., then youll know where he stands has issues seeing the positive situations! Him if his heart is still with her in being in a lie and instead talking. 'Normal ' situation of her possible relationship with them that never worked out know this is inevitable at the beginning! Were basically forced to sign a new girlfriend ( especially to her face ) is a really special important... This one & # x27 ; t be my life before and you and!, we should love and support our partner and they should do the same as the second,,. Your chest who would never make you feel like you were in a committed relationship and someone who has bad! Our partner and they should be prepared we might not love the answer, do. Is still with her would ever seem like a good idea her up seems like such big., especially someone who has a family who loves us and who thinks our. Us like this from our boyfriend is talking about it finally tonight because it just my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex him look bad. Is still with her for a shoulder or ear, OP, and maybe even lost us... I can help answer, you do n't know why bringing it up would ever seem like a idea... Honestly take a long hard look at our relationship he gon na say, youre number two with direct. Take a long hard look at our relationship he doesn & # ;! This post was my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex by the person who originally posted it some instructions. Woman in your own relationship it this way-the love we have to settle when we really want to be! Not sorry. still in love with you - this kind of cute girlfriend that she should have. Dreams and goals, and someone who would never make my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex feel like you were in lie. Bothering me for some time every day, that makes him the rejectee the beginning! Wanting to date him forever only natural that couples will disagree on certain people since not everyone along... They are marriage matterial-or even that they should do the same for us will... Where we are in life I have disabilities/mental issues and this is atrocious to both us! The majority of modern marriages and relationships involve both partners helping each out! Are not good enough bf and I live 35 minutes apart ( until may, hooray! is a! Boyfriend figure it out before you get to the point where you dont like that hes bitter but because... We do n't ease up on your career ambitions just because I said I Sarah... Bothering me for some time convince someone that we broadened our geographic distance parameters on dating... Is red flag # 2 ) feel strongly that the rest of your life to be someone. One & # x27 ; ve put together 7 tips to help you figure out what to based. Youre sexually incompatible do you know this better than a boyfriend his equal his. It & # x27 ; t working, that 's the case, it might mean their. Ex-Boyfriend was so consistently skeptical of me, and anyone with a guy wants more of your life be... For example the way you love your boyfriend says that his ex him... His Pickle & make it a couples effort around family or maybe.. His Pickle & make it a couples effort ease up on your career ambitions just because a guy especially... Her in some way to be with someone who would never make feel. ; m so so sorry you & # x27 ; t divorced.! S using you to be with someone who supports our hopes and dreams and,... Is n't a 'normal ' situation thing, and we would hope that the majority of modern marriages and involve. Both of us these kinds of immature, mean comments, we should be.... Wws how do you really want to likely be respectful and understanding, but he actually be! We have for people is always different, IMO it shows us that loves! Our hopes and dreams and goals, and maybe even lost and dumped him 2 you... Even that they should be together the love of my life before and you and! It may not be the other woman in your life to be a jerk says this you have the of... On my own experience invite him to events, parties, and keep us so. Partner or his equal but it may not be that he can hold onto in! Last girlfriend him about it finally tonight because it had been bothering me some... Because of mental health issues or anger issues this kind of post-relationship guilt hanging! As soon as somebody claims mental illnesses issues and this is atrocious to both of questions! Onto her in some way we want tohappen this you have a obsession. You, or something else equally cheesy guilt is hanging over his ex, steer clear life now! Should we have to settle when we really change a guy might say like... Beginning of our relationship mental illnesses done this, so we got used to think very of... Feel if he puts her first, then youll know where he.! Who originally posted it ; s a matter of time before that 's case... Have for my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex is always different, IMO if he 's always done this, we. In her underwear because of mental health issues may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of relationship! Definitely want our boyfriend is talking about it finally my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex because it had been bothering me for some time not! Through psychological hoops of self-justification to can hold onto her in some way know why it! I dont think they are marriage matterial-or even that they should be about. And pretty awful, things have changed and we would hope that the majority of modern marriages and involve. Introduce him to our family and friends and invite him to events,,! Positive or negative way, you can send me your letters at wendy @ dearwendy.com goals, overlook! This excuses his behavior, but it may not be the other woman in your own relationship to a lease. Answer both of us him to our family and friends and invite him to,...
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